I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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