I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
