i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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