did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Farmville is her only friend.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
