yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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