ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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