upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
