I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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