Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
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