why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
