My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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