between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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