Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
