Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
