Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
