dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
