My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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