We named our party play list daddy issues
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
