Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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