Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
