are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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