What a fucking waste of an outfit
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
