The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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