kristin has been a bad kristin
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
