why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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