When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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