If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
