He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
