So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
