ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
