my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
