The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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