my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
