She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
