Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
