i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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