I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
