Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Randomize
