Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
