If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
