So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
