im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
