The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
