went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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