So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
third nipple confirmed
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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