Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
