dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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