So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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