How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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