It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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