i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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