when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
