I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He? As in you personified your dick?
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
