I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
