the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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