Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
its liver damage thursday
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
